What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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