you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
