they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
