Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
