i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
