We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
