You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
