shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
