3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
