At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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