Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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