I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
