She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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