He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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