She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
