I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
