Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
