this beer tastes like vomit already
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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