so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
