My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
