i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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