we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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