I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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