he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
