Will you blow on my dice?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
