That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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