He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
