She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
