I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
