My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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