your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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