I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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