I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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