This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
