hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
