New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
