My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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