last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
