So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
