I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
