If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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