my vag is so smooth its legendary
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
