I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
