i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
