Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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