Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
