Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
