You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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