normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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