South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
