Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
