What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
