remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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