so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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